It's funny how memories can come flooding back...sometimes when you want them...other times, well, not so much. Good or bad, your memories are part of you. Some you try desperately to cling to, others you would give anything to forget. But it is all of these that make you...you...unique...and individual.
I have been struggling with memories of mine for the past few weeks...so good, some not so much. It all started for me when my wife's Granddaddy was moved from his home (of I don't know how many years...decades, actually) out to my in-laws place across the great state of Virginia. Although it wasn't his true desire to move, it was a necessity due to his rapidly declining health. I didn't see Grandaddy for almost a week after the move, but when I finally did, the memories came flooding back. Seeing him lying there, a shell of the man I once knew, reminded me of my Dad and of my grandfather, Papa.
My Dad was beyond special to me. In 1987, when he and my Mom married, he took me in as his own. He never referred to, or treated, me as anything other than his "son." My Mom will tell you that he "ruined" me. :) In all honesty, he taught me the importance of a hard day's work and earning a living...he taught me the importance of helping others...he taught me the importance of always giving and doing my best...he taught me the importance of being truthful and honest...he taught me the importance of always treating women with respect and honor (especially your Mother)...he taught me the importance of so many things, but, basically, he taught me the importance of being a man. He was my Dad, and I was his son...period. No one could tell us otherwise. When my Dad's health began to fade due to congestive heart failure, it was so hard to watch...so hard to watch this proud, strong, independent man be taken down by such a terrible disease. I was active duty Navy during most of his illness, so I wasn't able to see him much. And when I did get to, the change in him was heartbreaking...BUT, he was always in good spirits. I was stationed overseas when he passed in January 2001. I did get to come home for a while around Christmas (2000), about a month before he died. Getting to see him that one last time is a memory that I truly cherish...and not to mention the countless other memories that we shared. But on the other hand, I was not able to be with him when his time came...I was not by his side...and that is a memory that will always haunt me.
My Papa's health also faded fast due, again, to a heart condition. I will always believe that he died of a broken heart. The exact year escapes me now, but my grandmother, Nana, was taken quite suddenly and unexpectedly by a stroke....and, if memory serves, it was barely a year later before my Papa had gone on to join her. It was almost as if he simply gave up. They had been together for so long that once she was gone, he simply didn't want to go on without her. To me, it is heartbreaking and romantic all at the same time. I have so many wonderful memories of my Nana and Papa...the walks with my Papa, the treats my Nana would make me, chasing butterflies in their back yard, NEVER leaving the back gate open, helping in Papa's garden...I could go on and on. Once Nana passed, I only got to see Papa a couple of times...and once his health started to deteriorate, I never saw him again. In a way, I'm glad, glad that I didn't see him as that shell...but on the other hand, I never got to say good-bye. And again, that continues to haunt me to this day.
While the many memories of Grandaddy will live on...memories of sitting on the garage top, of showers in the basement, of my daughter riding with him to go check the calves, and so many others...I am SO glad that my wife, my daughter, and especially my mother-in-law now have the memory of being with Granddaddy there at the end. I am glad they got to spend time with him and say their good-byes. And I am especially thankful that my mother-in-law was by her Daddy's side when he was called home. I know that there is no other place that he would have wanted her, and no other place that she would have wanted to be. As hard as it may be now, for everyone, these memories of Granddaddy's last days will be cherished for a lifetime.
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