Thanksgiving Day...a day when most of us will eat way too much, nap on the couch and spend the rest of our time watching football on TV (after the Macy's parade, of course...). This is the time of year when many will reflect on their lives and give thanks for all the blessings that they enjoy...their family, friends, homes, jobs, health, etc. This is truly a heartwarming time of year.
But...and there's always a but...
The question that I have is this...Why only this time of year? Why do we only focus on our blessings, on what we are thankful for, now? Imagine if we acknowledged our blessings and were truly thankful each and every day of the year...not just one month a year...instead of taking our blessings for granted, and dwelling on the negative aspects, conditions and situations we face every day.
Thanksgiving shouldn't just be a day, it should be a complete attitude and way of life. This is something that I definitely need to work on myself.
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Vengeance is mine...
Today, for Americans, is a special day of remembrance and reflection. Today, we remember not one, but two horrific attacks on Americans.
We can all remember where we were that morning on 9/11/2001...as the twin towers fell, the Pentagon was attacked, and as Flight 93 crashed in Shanksville, PA before it could hit it's intended target. We remember the fear, we remember the hurt, we remember shock, we remember the anger, we remember the hatred, and we remember wanting to make those responsible pay for what they had done. We wanted vengeance...
Eleven years later, we as Americans experienced yet another terrorist attack. This attack wasn't on our own soil, but rather on "American" soil at the Benghazi consulate in Libya. At approximately 4 p.m. EST, 10 p.m. local time, our consulate was attacked. The attack lasted for approximately 7 hours and resulted in 4 Americans killed...including the U.S. Ambassador. After the Benghazi attack, many Americans felt, and continue to feel, fear, hurt, shock anger and hatred. Once again, many Americans want vengeance...but this time, these feelings are not reserved for those who perpetrated the attack, but also for our leaders who lied to us about the attack, who refused to send help to those who were under attack, who have trivialized the attack, and who continue to try cover up the attack.
I was...or rather am...one of these. I want so bad to see these people punished. And I would LOVE to be able to do it myself. How unfair is it to see these people getting away with what they have done...so smug...so cocky...so full of themselves...looking down on us like they are untouchable. Oh how I wish they could be brought down a notch or two...hundred. And done so publicly...with everyone laughing at them. How rewarding would it be to watch the have their whole word ruined on the grandest of scales...to feel the pain and suffering that they have caused so many.
This is where I fall short. This is where I struggle. This is not what I should be wishing for. I should not be fighting the fight AGAINST them, I should be fighting the fight FOR them. As Paul wrote to the church in Rome:
"Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord. On the contrary: 'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.' Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." (Romans 12: 17-21)
Now, if that ain't a wake-up...a good old fashioned kick in the pants...I don't know what is. I can easily say that I am good at doing...well...none of that. Man, do I have some work ahead of me...that is NOT going to be easy. And I need to do this not only for me, but to be the example for my wife and daughter. How better to show them the way than to teach by example?
As far as the vengeance...there will be times that I will still want to take matters into my own hands. It will be very hard at times to get past those feelings. But one thing will make it a bit easier...and that's knowing that no matter what I could possibly do or wish upon these people, it could never compare even a fraction to what God has in store for them. It may not seem fair now, but in the end, God will more than break even.
I have a lot to work on in the "loving my enemy" category, and although vengeance may not be mine, I'm sure glad it's His...
We can all remember where we were that morning on 9/11/2001...as the twin towers fell, the Pentagon was attacked, and as Flight 93 crashed in Shanksville, PA before it could hit it's intended target. We remember the fear, we remember the hurt, we remember shock, we remember the anger, we remember the hatred, and we remember wanting to make those responsible pay for what they had done. We wanted vengeance...
Eleven years later, we as Americans experienced yet another terrorist attack. This attack wasn't on our own soil, but rather on "American" soil at the Benghazi consulate in Libya. At approximately 4 p.m. EST, 10 p.m. local time, our consulate was attacked. The attack lasted for approximately 7 hours and resulted in 4 Americans killed...including the U.S. Ambassador. After the Benghazi attack, many Americans felt, and continue to feel, fear, hurt, shock anger and hatred. Once again, many Americans want vengeance...but this time, these feelings are not reserved for those who perpetrated the attack, but also for our leaders who lied to us about the attack, who refused to send help to those who were under attack, who have trivialized the attack, and who continue to try cover up the attack.
I was...or rather am...one of these. I want so bad to see these people punished. And I would LOVE to be able to do it myself. How unfair is it to see these people getting away with what they have done...so smug...so cocky...so full of themselves...looking down on us like they are untouchable. Oh how I wish they could be brought down a notch or two...hundred. And done so publicly...with everyone laughing at them. How rewarding would it be to watch the have their whole word ruined on the grandest of scales...to feel the pain and suffering that they have caused so many.
This is where I fall short. This is where I struggle. This is not what I should be wishing for. I should not be fighting the fight AGAINST them, I should be fighting the fight FOR them. As Paul wrote to the church in Rome:
"Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord. On the contrary: 'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.' Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." (Romans 12: 17-21)
Now, if that ain't a wake-up...a good old fashioned kick in the pants...I don't know what is. I can easily say that I am good at doing...well...none of that. Man, do I have some work ahead of me...that is NOT going to be easy. And I need to do this not only for me, but to be the example for my wife and daughter. How better to show them the way than to teach by example?
As far as the vengeance...there will be times that I will still want to take matters into my own hands. It will be very hard at times to get past those feelings. But one thing will make it a bit easier...and that's knowing that no matter what I could possibly do or wish upon these people, it could never compare even a fraction to what God has in store for them. It may not seem fair now, but in the end, God will more than break even.
I have a lot to work on in the "loving my enemy" category, and although vengeance may not be mine, I'm sure glad it's His...
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
I don't like being reminded...
I don't...I don't like being reminded. I forget things...I put things off...and sometimes I just don't want to do it. That's when I'm given reminders by people or life. I recently received such a reminder...and it was a tough one to take.
Allow me to start at the beginning...
We all have done it, and we all do it. We let work, school, and other activities take our time away from our families and friends. We also have friends, relatives, classmates, etc. that we have reconnected with through any number of social media sites. We try our best to stay in touch everyone...to call, write or visit...but some how, for some reason, we either forget or just simply fail to do so. And how often are we reminded this? And when we are, what is our go-to excuse and our go-to answer? "I'm just too busy right now" and "I'll do it tomorrow." Sound familiar?
I am beyond guilty of this. I have the best intentions...but not the best follow-up actions. This is where my little reminders come in. Sometimes, the reminders are subtle, but other times they are more, shall we say, "sucker punches." Whatever their form, they serve to remind me just how important the people in my life are, just how important it is to let them know what they mean to me, and just how important it is to do things today and not put them off until tomorrow...because tomorrow isn't guaranteed...and you may never have the chance again.
Yesterday, I received a "sucker-punch" reminder. Yesterday, I lost a long-time friend from grade/middle school. We grew up together, went to church together, spent our summers together, etc. Our families were even friends...my Mom knows his Mom well and went to school with his Dad, and our grandparents were also very good friends. I moved away just before High School, and we lost touch. A few years ago, we reconnected on FB...something for which I will be forever grateful. We kept in touch fairly well, but the last few months we didn't talk as much. I kept looking at his number in my phone, or at his name on my FB page, and thinking that I needed to call, text, message...something. But I never did. On my trip back home last month, I even thought about making a detour and swinging by to see him. But I didn't. Now, I will never get a chance to make that call, send that message, or make that detour...and oh how I regret that now.
I hate being reminded about things that I put off or forget...especially when those reminders are permanent. Now, when I get a reminder and can act on it, I will do my best to do so...to call, write, or spend time with those in my life...because something that I hate more than a reminder...is having to live with the regret.
I will miss you, my friend...but I will never forget you.
Allow me to start at the beginning...
We all have done it, and we all do it. We let work, school, and other activities take our time away from our families and friends. We also have friends, relatives, classmates, etc. that we have reconnected with through any number of social media sites. We try our best to stay in touch everyone...to call, write or visit...but some how, for some reason, we either forget or just simply fail to do so. And how often are we reminded this? And when we are, what is our go-to excuse and our go-to answer? "I'm just too busy right now" and "I'll do it tomorrow." Sound familiar?
I am beyond guilty of this. I have the best intentions...but not the best follow-up actions. This is where my little reminders come in. Sometimes, the reminders are subtle, but other times they are more, shall we say, "sucker punches." Whatever their form, they serve to remind me just how important the people in my life are, just how important it is to let them know what they mean to me, and just how important it is to do things today and not put them off until tomorrow...because tomorrow isn't guaranteed...and you may never have the chance again.
Yesterday, I received a "sucker-punch" reminder. Yesterday, I lost a long-time friend from grade/middle school. We grew up together, went to church together, spent our summers together, etc. Our families were even friends...my Mom knows his Mom well and went to school with his Dad, and our grandparents were also very good friends. I moved away just before High School, and we lost touch. A few years ago, we reconnected on FB...something for which I will be forever grateful. We kept in touch fairly well, but the last few months we didn't talk as much. I kept looking at his number in my phone, or at his name on my FB page, and thinking that I needed to call, text, message...something. But I never did. On my trip back home last month, I even thought about making a detour and swinging by to see him. But I didn't. Now, I will never get a chance to make that call, send that message, or make that detour...and oh how I regret that now.
I hate being reminded about things that I put off or forget...especially when those reminders are permanent. Now, when I get a reminder and can act on it, I will do my best to do so...to call, write, or spend time with those in my life...because something that I hate more than a reminder...is having to live with the regret.
I will miss you, my friend...but I will never forget you.
Friday, August 23, 2013
Another Day in Paradise...
Another day...another week...nearly another month...and nearly another summer is in the books. Where does the time go? My wife is already starting back in her classroom, and my daughter will soon be starting the 7th grade. Unfortunately, we get so tied up with every day things...jobs, taking care of the kids, taking care of our homes, running here, running there, etc....that we lose track of time, and before we know it, our time is gone. We also tend to take what we have for granted. We think that things will make us happy. We place more importance on the "what" rather than the "who" in our lives, replacing all important relationships with material possessions. Combine these two...spending all our time fixated on getting bigger, better and newer things...and you have a toxic combination. Unfortunately, this is, more and more, becoming the norm in or society. And the excuse we use more and more..."I want to give my kids more than what I had." Really? How about giving your kids a loving, caring family that actually spends time together. That will go farther than a new iPad or the latest shoes.
I, unfortunately, am just as guilty of this as the next guy...if not more so. Times were not always the easiest, financially, in my family growing up, so I definitely try to over compensate when it comes to providing for my daughter. And I know I don't always appreciate what I have been blessed with in my life. In the Marines and Navy, we had a saying..."Just another day in paradise...where every day is a vacation, every paycheck is a bonus, and every meal is a feast." This was meant to be a sarcastic reference towards life in the military, but as I think about it today, I realize just how true this statement is. Allow me to elaborate...
"Just another day in paradise...where every day is a vacation..." - Each day is not going to be easy, each day is not going to be one that we look back and say "Man, I wish I could do that again," and most importantly, each day is not guaranteed. For some, especially those dealing with a serious, life-threatening illness, each day is truly a blessing, and is, I imagine, most likely viewed and appreciated like most people think of their vacation days...something that they cherish and never want to end.
"...every paycheck is a bonus..." - It's no secret that our economy is not what it once was (but that's a topic for another time). For many, making ends meet is a struggle. For some, work has been non-existent for some time, as has been the ability to support their family. So when a paycheck finally does come, it can feel like a bonus. I spent some time on the unemployed list a number of years ago...long before our economic downturn. Fortunately, I wasn't unemployed long, but the time I was was very difficult and stressful. Not knowing how our bills would be paid, how we would feed our family, etc. definitely took it's toll on me. So when I finally did get a job, and that first paycheck, it felt like I had won the lottery. I can only imagine how it would feel after being unemployed for months, or years.
"...and every meal is a feast." - Along the same lines, for those who have little or nothing, any time they are able to provide a meal for their families, no matter how big or small it may be, it might as well be a feast.
I'm trying more and more to focus on being thankful for what I have been given in my life. God has truly blessed me with more than I deserve. Instead of complaining about my commute, I am thankful for my job. Instead of complaining about all the work I need to get done around the house, I am thankful for my wonderful home. Instead of complaining that I don't have a newer car, or a car more along the lines of what I think I need, I am thankful that my wife and I both have dependable vehicles. I could go on and on...
I also need to be sure to help show my daughter just how blessed she is, especially when she starts complaining that she doesn't have the latest gadget, gizmo or fashion. I understand that the world is working on her, telling her that she needs more...but I need to help remind her that God has already given her everything she needs, and more...and all we need to do is to stop, look around, and enjoy yet another day in our own paradise.
I, unfortunately, am just as guilty of this as the next guy...if not more so. Times were not always the easiest, financially, in my family growing up, so I definitely try to over compensate when it comes to providing for my daughter. And I know I don't always appreciate what I have been blessed with in my life. In the Marines and Navy, we had a saying..."Just another day in paradise...where every day is a vacation, every paycheck is a bonus, and every meal is a feast." This was meant to be a sarcastic reference towards life in the military, but as I think about it today, I realize just how true this statement is. Allow me to elaborate...
"Just another day in paradise...where every day is a vacation..." - Each day is not going to be easy, each day is not going to be one that we look back and say "Man, I wish I could do that again," and most importantly, each day is not guaranteed. For some, especially those dealing with a serious, life-threatening illness, each day is truly a blessing, and is, I imagine, most likely viewed and appreciated like most people think of their vacation days...something that they cherish and never want to end.
"...every paycheck is a bonus..." - It's no secret that our economy is not what it once was (but that's a topic for another time). For many, making ends meet is a struggle. For some, work has been non-existent for some time, as has been the ability to support their family. So when a paycheck finally does come, it can feel like a bonus. I spent some time on the unemployed list a number of years ago...long before our economic downturn. Fortunately, I wasn't unemployed long, but the time I was was very difficult and stressful. Not knowing how our bills would be paid, how we would feed our family, etc. definitely took it's toll on me. So when I finally did get a job, and that first paycheck, it felt like I had won the lottery. I can only imagine how it would feel after being unemployed for months, or years.
"...and every meal is a feast." - Along the same lines, for those who have little or nothing, any time they are able to provide a meal for their families, no matter how big or small it may be, it might as well be a feast.
I'm trying more and more to focus on being thankful for what I have been given in my life. God has truly blessed me with more than I deserve. Instead of complaining about my commute, I am thankful for my job. Instead of complaining about all the work I need to get done around the house, I am thankful for my wonderful home. Instead of complaining that I don't have a newer car, or a car more along the lines of what I think I need, I am thankful that my wife and I both have dependable vehicles. I could go on and on...
I also need to be sure to help show my daughter just how blessed she is, especially when she starts complaining that she doesn't have the latest gadget, gizmo or fashion. I understand that the world is working on her, telling her that she needs more...but I need to help remind her that God has already given her everything she needs, and more...and all we need to do is to stop, look around, and enjoy yet another day in our own paradise.
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Putting things into perspective...
Early this morning...around 2 a.m. to be more precise...as I laid in bed trying to sleep, it dawned on me what today is...so I posted the following status on my Facebook page:
"3 years ago today (one day after Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait), I entered the Military Enlisted Processing Station (or MEPS) in Amarillo, TX. 23 years ago today, I raised my right hand and swore an oath to support and defend the Constitution of the United States...against ALL enemies...foreign AND domestic. Today, as my military career comes to a close, that oath is just as important to me as it was 23 years ago...and though I may no longer serve, I will always honor that oath. I am proud and honored to have served...and I thank those who have served, and who still are today. May God bless you all."
"3 years ago today (one day after Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait), I entered the Military Enlisted Processing Station (or MEPS) in Amarillo, TX. 23 years ago today, I raised my right hand and swore an oath to support and defend the Constitution of the United States...against ALL enemies...foreign AND domestic. Today, as my military career comes to a close, that oath is just as important to me as it was 23 years ago...and though I may no longer serve, I will always honor that oath. I am proud and honored to have served...and I thank those who have served, and who still are today. May God bless you all."
When I wrote this, I felt like I was simply rambling...sharing what I considered to be a milestone in my life. I in no way expected the outpouring of such wonderful comments. There were numerous "Thank you for your service" comments, as well as some other, more personal, comments...such as:
"You brought me to tears! We need a lot more people like you in this world! Love ya man!"
and
"Thanks Fellow Vet. Congrats on a great career. Through good time and bad, we both served. Something that not everyone will do."
and
"Your heart has always been as big as Texas and you have always chosen to fill it with the love of God, family and country. You still make my heart melt."
and
"Thank you VERY MUCH for your service to our country. It's people like you, who serve in the military, that keep our country safe & that help us to remain the greatest country on earth!"
Reading these comments, I was honored...I was humbled...I was utterly speechless. With everything that I fight through on a personal level each and every day, I felt far from deserving of these kind words. But the comment that really stopped me in my tracks...and brought me to tears...was one posted by my own daughter. She wrote:
"Thank you so much for everything you did and still do today!!! You are one amazing father!!!! I couldn't have asked for anyone better!!! Thank you Mombee [my mother] for having such an amazing son!!! He has done so much for my mom, the country and me!!! I am very blessed to have your son as a father. I love you daddy!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3"
Wow! It took me a while to catch my breath. Words cannot express the pride, gratitude, and love that I feel every time I read that.
Now, jump to this evening at church. We had a guest speaker this evening, and he started the service with a little exercise. Allow me to demonstrate...
The question was asked...What are some of your life roles? I immediately thought of "Dad" and "husband" and "friend" and "son" and "employee"...just to name a few.
The next question asked was...What are some adjectives that you would use to describe your roles? This got a little harder. I wanted to say "good" and "loyal" and "trustworthy" and "honest" and "dependable"...but I started to feel a bit like I was bragging...and it was sounding eerily similar to the Boy Scout motto. :)
The next couple of questions asked were more rhetorical in nature...Is this where you find your identity? Is this where you find your worth? Is this what defines you? Man, talking about hitting close to home. I tendency to strive to be a good person, someone that people can trust and come to for help. Reading my daughter's comment on my status made me feel proud because she saw me as a good father and was proud of what I had done. But have I focused too much on MY being and MY doing? Am I showing my daughter that it is more important what others thank of you than what God sees in you? Am I doing enough to show her God's ways and not MY ways?
Reading my daughter's comment today put into perspective my focus and goals. The service tonight put into perspective just how much I rely on these worldly aspects of my life...and just how much they take away from what should be my true focus and goal...my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ...
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith...." (Hebrews 12:1-2)
I also need to focus on pointing my daughter towards Him as well...
"Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it." (Proverbs 22:6)
It's amazing how God works sometimes...using a child and a guest speaker to help put things back into perspective...the correct perspective.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Memories...
It's funny how memories can come flooding back...sometimes when you want them...other times, well, not so much. Good or bad, your memories are part of you. Some you try desperately to cling to, others you would give anything to forget. But it is all of these that make you...you...unique...and individual.
I have been struggling with memories of mine for the past few weeks...so good, some not so much. It all started for me when my wife's Granddaddy was moved from his home (of I don't know how many years...decades, actually) out to my in-laws place across the great state of Virginia. Although it wasn't his true desire to move, it was a necessity due to his rapidly declining health. I didn't see Grandaddy for almost a week after the move, but when I finally did, the memories came flooding back. Seeing him lying there, a shell of the man I once knew, reminded me of my Dad and of my grandfather, Papa.
My Dad was beyond special to me. In 1987, when he and my Mom married, he took me in as his own. He never referred to, or treated, me as anything other than his "son." My Mom will tell you that he "ruined" me. :) In all honesty, he taught me the importance of a hard day's work and earning a living...he taught me the importance of helping others...he taught me the importance of always giving and doing my best...he taught me the importance of being truthful and honest...he taught me the importance of always treating women with respect and honor (especially your Mother)...he taught me the importance of so many things, but, basically, he taught me the importance of being a man. He was my Dad, and I was his son...period. No one could tell us otherwise. When my Dad's health began to fade due to congestive heart failure, it was so hard to watch...so hard to watch this proud, strong, independent man be taken down by such a terrible disease. I was active duty Navy during most of his illness, so I wasn't able to see him much. And when I did get to, the change in him was heartbreaking...BUT, he was always in good spirits. I was stationed overseas when he passed in January 2001. I did get to come home for a while around Christmas (2000), about a month before he died. Getting to see him that one last time is a memory that I truly cherish...and not to mention the countless other memories that we shared. But on the other hand, I was not able to be with him when his time came...I was not by his side...and that is a memory that will always haunt me.
My Papa's health also faded fast due, again, to a heart condition. I will always believe that he died of a broken heart. The exact year escapes me now, but my grandmother, Nana, was taken quite suddenly and unexpectedly by a stroke....and, if memory serves, it was barely a year later before my Papa had gone on to join her. It was almost as if he simply gave up. They had been together for so long that once she was gone, he simply didn't want to go on without her. To me, it is heartbreaking and romantic all at the same time. I have so many wonderful memories of my Nana and Papa...the walks with my Papa, the treats my Nana would make me, chasing butterflies in their back yard, NEVER leaving the back gate open, helping in Papa's garden...I could go on and on. Once Nana passed, I only got to see Papa a couple of times...and once his health started to deteriorate, I never saw him again. In a way, I'm glad, glad that I didn't see him as that shell...but on the other hand, I never got to say good-bye. And again, that continues to haunt me to this day.
While the many memories of Grandaddy will live on...memories of sitting on the garage top, of showers in the basement, of my daughter riding with him to go check the calves, and so many others...I am SO glad that my wife, my daughter, and especially my mother-in-law now have the memory of being with Granddaddy there at the end. I am glad they got to spend time with him and say their good-byes. And I am especially thankful that my mother-in-law was by her Daddy's side when he was called home. I know that there is no other place that he would have wanted her, and no other place that she would have wanted to be. As hard as it may be now, for everyone, these memories of Granddaddy's last days will be cherished for a lifetime.
I have been struggling with memories of mine for the past few weeks...so good, some not so much. It all started for me when my wife's Granddaddy was moved from his home (of I don't know how many years...decades, actually) out to my in-laws place across the great state of Virginia. Although it wasn't his true desire to move, it was a necessity due to his rapidly declining health. I didn't see Grandaddy for almost a week after the move, but when I finally did, the memories came flooding back. Seeing him lying there, a shell of the man I once knew, reminded me of my Dad and of my grandfather, Papa.
My Dad was beyond special to me. In 1987, when he and my Mom married, he took me in as his own. He never referred to, or treated, me as anything other than his "son." My Mom will tell you that he "ruined" me. :) In all honesty, he taught me the importance of a hard day's work and earning a living...he taught me the importance of helping others...he taught me the importance of always giving and doing my best...he taught me the importance of being truthful and honest...he taught me the importance of always treating women with respect and honor (especially your Mother)...he taught me the importance of so many things, but, basically, he taught me the importance of being a man. He was my Dad, and I was his son...period. No one could tell us otherwise. When my Dad's health began to fade due to congestive heart failure, it was so hard to watch...so hard to watch this proud, strong, independent man be taken down by such a terrible disease. I was active duty Navy during most of his illness, so I wasn't able to see him much. And when I did get to, the change in him was heartbreaking...BUT, he was always in good spirits. I was stationed overseas when he passed in January 2001. I did get to come home for a while around Christmas (2000), about a month before he died. Getting to see him that one last time is a memory that I truly cherish...and not to mention the countless other memories that we shared. But on the other hand, I was not able to be with him when his time came...I was not by his side...and that is a memory that will always haunt me.
My Papa's health also faded fast due, again, to a heart condition. I will always believe that he died of a broken heart. The exact year escapes me now, but my grandmother, Nana, was taken quite suddenly and unexpectedly by a stroke....and, if memory serves, it was barely a year later before my Papa had gone on to join her. It was almost as if he simply gave up. They had been together for so long that once she was gone, he simply didn't want to go on without her. To me, it is heartbreaking and romantic all at the same time. I have so many wonderful memories of my Nana and Papa...the walks with my Papa, the treats my Nana would make me, chasing butterflies in their back yard, NEVER leaving the back gate open, helping in Papa's garden...I could go on and on. Once Nana passed, I only got to see Papa a couple of times...and once his health started to deteriorate, I never saw him again. In a way, I'm glad, glad that I didn't see him as that shell...but on the other hand, I never got to say good-bye. And again, that continues to haunt me to this day.
While the many memories of Grandaddy will live on...memories of sitting on the garage top, of showers in the basement, of my daughter riding with him to go check the calves, and so many others...I am SO glad that my wife, my daughter, and especially my mother-in-law now have the memory of being with Granddaddy there at the end. I am glad they got to spend time with him and say their good-byes. And I am especially thankful that my mother-in-law was by her Daddy's side when he was called home. I know that there is no other place that he would have wanted her, and no other place that she would have wanted to be. As hard as it may be now, for everyone, these memories of Granddaddy's last days will be cherished for a lifetime.
Monday, July 22, 2013
Journeys...
I know it sounds cliche, but life is a journey. Is it an easy journey? Not by any means! It has it's up, downs, happy times, sad times, roadblocks, etc....and that is what makes each of our journeys unique. I will say this, our journeys are much better if we have others to share it with...spouses, family, friends, and, yes, even pets.
These past few weeks have been ones of many, sometimes difficult, journeys for our family.
- It started with having to move my wife's 93 year-old grandfather out with her parents due to his failing health...the next step in my mother-in-law's journey of caring for her aging father.
- It continued to my daughter's national dance competition...the culmination of a year's journey that has included countless hours of classes, practices, rehearsals, recitals, performances, and other regional competitions.
- During the week's competition, my wife's Grandaddy passed peacefully in his sleep. His wishes were honored, and he was surrounded by those he loved, and who loved him. Grandaddy will be missed, but he will never be forgotten. We don't say goodbye, but rather see you again one day...his journey is finished.
- The next stage of our journey found us all heading out the same day to different places across the country. My wife and her parents have headed back to their home town to lay Grandaddy to rest...my daughter headed to NYC for a week of training in the performing arts...and I headed out to TX to visit family.
So how do I, as a husband and Dad, deal with my family being pulled so many different directions? Did I show enough support for my daughter at her competition? What about her trip to NYC...was I right to send her alone? And what about my wife? Am I abandoning her in her time of need by deciding to go ahead, at her urging, and travel to TX to visit my family (a trip that has been planned for months, by the way)? Why do I feel that no decision that I could have made would have been 100% correct?
During this journey we call life, we will be faced with MANY decisions and choices that we will need to make...and thanks to our human nature, we will screw up more than our share of them. We will worry, we will stress, we will mess up...but we will never be forgotten or forsaken. I don't know about you, but that simple fact is a HUGE comfort to me. A couple of scriptures that I draw strength from come from Isaiah 41...
"fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10)
and my favorite since childhood...
"For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, 'Fear not, I am the one who helps you.'" (Isaiah 41:13)
So instead of worrying about whether or not everything I do is correct, I need to focus on what God's plan is, and carry that out to the best of my ability. I may not be perfect, but like my Father, I will always be there for my girls during their journey...and there is no other place I would rather be.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
And so it begins...
Today is the day...my first official "blog." I have gone back and forth as to whether or not I should do this...after all, would anyone really want to read my rambling thoughts, insights and opinions? But, I finally decided to go ahead. If nothing else, it will most likely give me something to look back on later and wonder what the heck I was thinking...
So first, a little bit about me.
I was raised in a Christian home. I came to know Christ at a fairly young age and I did what I thought I was supposed to do...be nice to others, give money as the offering plate was passed, get dressed up to go to church every Sunday morning and evening, and again on Wednesday evening. Basically, I was a Christian in appearance only. As I got older, I tended to “wander off” from Christ, only to come crawling back when I needed Him. Then, when things were back on track, I would head off on my own, thinking I could handle things. Looking back now, the journey of my life definitely looks like the Footprints poem. One of my favorite quotes is “Want to make God laugh? Tell him your plans.” I must have had God rolling back then. Today, I realize that I’m a passenger on this journey. God already has a plan in place for me, and He is in charge. I just have to trust in Him and follow His guidance. Is it always easy? Not at all! That’s where faith comes in, and that’s how our faith gets stronger. I am working daily in my relationship and journey with Christ. I strive each and every day to become more and more a man of God. I slip up, I get knocked down, I fail...there are many and roadblocks and setbacks...but I keep getting back up, learn from my mistakes and try to do better. I am FAR from perfect, believe me, and I have a ways to go in my journey. But, thankfully, I am loved by a patient, loving, and perfect God.
What I am is simply a Dad...a struggling Dad, thrown into the fire, so to say, and learning as I go. I struggle each and every day with decisions, temptations, family, friends, finances, home, work, etc. Basically, I struggle with life. I have been blessed with a wonderful family...a loving, beautiful wife and an amazing daughter...and, together, we face many different life situations, making our share of mistakes and learning valuable life lessons along the way. One thing I have learned is that raising my daughter is one of the scariest and hardest things I have ever done. Simply because not only am I responsible for myself, but I’m responsible for her as well. And not just her physical well-being, but, most importantly, her spiritual well-being...and that scares the crap out of me.
Last night was another "first" and "life lesson" for me. My daughter...a pre-teen...had her first "date" last night. She brought her boyfriend home to meet me, have dinner and watch a movie. I have to admit, she was beyond nervous...and I found it rather amusing. She really wants me to like this young man...which I take as a positive sign. But what keeps nagging at me is whether or not I Am really ready for my daughter to be dating. It seems like just yesterday, she was this little girl...a toddler...begging me to pick her up, give her a piggy-back ride, or give her yet another "horsey" ride on my knee. Where has that little girl gone? Now I have to worry about dating...boys...broken hearts...and the dreaded "S" word. I am SO not ready for this...but more importantly, am I prepared for this...and have I prepared my daughter for this. Have I taught her well enough in the ways of Christ? Will she stand firm in her faith and make good choices, or will she give in to pier pressure? All I can do is continue to reaffirm Jesus' teachings...by my words and my actions...and pray that she handles the rest as a Godly young woman.
I have to keep telling myself to just breath and relax...that this is all part of growing up...all part of life...that I need to be supportive and not smother her...that I need to let her find her way...that I need to keep loving her no matter what. But, letting go is easier said than done. She is my little girl...and always will be...no matter what.
This dating thing is going to happen, whether I like it or not, and all I can say now is...
And so it begins...
Last night was another "first" and "life lesson" for me. My daughter...a pre-teen...had her first "date" last night. She brought her boyfriend home to meet me, have dinner and watch a movie. I have to admit, she was beyond nervous...and I found it rather amusing. She really wants me to like this young man...which I take as a positive sign. But what keeps nagging at me is whether or not I Am really ready for my daughter to be dating. It seems like just yesterday, she was this little girl...a toddler...begging me to pick her up, give her a piggy-back ride, or give her yet another "horsey" ride on my knee. Where has that little girl gone? Now I have to worry about dating...boys...broken hearts...and the dreaded "S" word. I am SO not ready for this...but more importantly, am I prepared for this...and have I prepared my daughter for this. Have I taught her well enough in the ways of Christ? Will she stand firm in her faith and make good choices, or will she give in to pier pressure? All I can do is continue to reaffirm Jesus' teachings...by my words and my actions...and pray that she handles the rest as a Godly young woman.
I have to keep telling myself to just breath and relax...that this is all part of growing up...all part of life...that I need to be supportive and not smother her...that I need to let her find her way...that I need to keep loving her no matter what. But, letting go is easier said than done. She is my little girl...and always will be...no matter what.
This dating thing is going to happen, whether I like it or not, and all I can say now is...
And so it begins...
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